today was an emotional roller coaster. ups, downs, twists and turns. it's my husband's fault. isn't it always?
so, i "slept" in the bed with my Love last night. notice the quotation marks? yeah, i haven't SLEPT for a week and a half now. except during surgery. but that doesn't count. why? because i SLEEP on my stomach. and, well, that ain't happening with all this mess so i haven't really been sleeping. anyway, i laid in the bed with my husband while he slept last night, got up when he did this morning and came on out to the living room. i'm a terrible wife and never get up when he does. i like my sleep. until about 8:30 or 9am if at all possible. so he got dressed and ready AND got Little Dude dressed and ready (he went to Grandma's today to have fun) and they left. i'm still here hangin' out in the recliner. i take a nap. yes, i said nap at 8:30am. don't judge me. finally i wake up and decide i'd better get a move on and get ready since it takes me forever to rig everything up for a bath, take said bath, get dressed, and completely ready. i walk into the bedroom, flip the light switch and...the ceiling fan turns on. with no light. and i just LOST IT. it's a pain in the patootie on a normal morning but this was no normal morning. i can't just reach up and pull the chain like a regular ol' gal could. nope. can't reach much over my head, in fact. so while i pitch my little toddler fit, i climb up on the bed and use my little T Rex arms to turn on the light and off the fan. and i sat and kicked and yelled and cried and pitched a good ol' raging fit! and dang it, i enjoyed it! like i said, all his fault!
everyone's been telling me what a great attitude i have. how strong i am. how i have such a good sense of humor about things. how they admire my faith through all of this. and i have really tried. but i guess today all that just went to heck. just...it's all SO HARD. even turning on a freakin' light! taking a "bath" was difficult. sleep was messed up. i can't drive. can't do anything for my baby boy or my husband...or myself for that matter. that's just not me. i get things done! and the right way! teehee! so i just had a pity party. couldn't take it any more and just let it out. let it ALL out. it got pretty messy...tears, snot, and all that.
then my sister in law picks me up for my appointment with the plastic surgeon. after i tried on 2 shirts that i couldn't fit my drains into. ugh. and i wasn't expecting anything good. at best, maybe one drain out. but he decided to take out ALL THREE!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!! so i go from the depths of despair to joyous heights in 2.5 seconds! y'all. i can SHOWER tomorrow night. just a cool, quick shower but after a week and a half without, i ain't complaining! i can wear REAL CLOTHES. okay, still mostly button down shirts (T Rex arms are still in effect) but still. i finally feel like i'm making PROGRESS! he went on to put a little fluid in each expander today, too. so i'm even sort of starting to get some sort of shape back. it's kind of a weird shape but hey. so. much. better. i even shaved the pits (as much as possible without raising my arms too terribly high) a bit ago. who knew that would be such a wonderful thing?!? oh! and i can drive when i'm comfortable, have good range of motion (turning and checking blind spots), and am off pain meds. woot!
more good stuff--some more wonderful folks sent/brought food. delicious, delicious food. my Judson big sis is coming to see me tomorrow. there's still a little cheesecake in the fridge. not for long! but best of all, my God carried me through the day. He held me as i threw my little toddler fit. He cheered with me when my drains came out. i know we still have a long way to go with this stuff but He will be with me every step of the way. and i know that i can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me! that, my peeps, is awesome sauce.
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