hills and valleys.

it's been a...hmmm...full couple of days both emotionally and physically.  dang, i just had to type that about 3 times.  my fingers don't want to cooperate today!  highs and lows.  hills and valleys.

i made it through the latest treatment/shot.  ugh.  it was tough, i tell ya!  anyway, i had a good friday morning with my sis in law and the kids.  got wore slap out on a short trip to Target and Hobby Lobby!  it was still nice to get out and do something since i'd been in the house for days.  friday night was kinda rough for me though.  after my guys went to bed, i got to lookin' at some of my pictures on facebook.  it just kind of put me in a funk.  a poor, pitiful me sort of thing.  merp.  that'll teach me, won't it?  not that i'm a stunning beauty or the picture of health or anything but i looked good!  i was cute.  i had hair.  i hear you thinking "oh geez.  here we go again with the hair thing."  well you can just...well, i won't say because i'm a nice girl.  you catch my drift.  i had energy.  i DID things.  and then cancer hit.  that was three and a half months ago.  yep, just THREE and a half months ago.  at this point, it feels like YEARS.  like we've been dealing with this stuff FOR-EV-ERRRRRRR.  you should read that "Sandlot style" as that's what i'm referencing.  and it seems like we'll be dealing with it for so much longer.  *sigh*

i want to feel "normal" again.  and i really want to be able to feel cute again.  feeling that i look good goes a long way to making me feel good.  and i just DON'T feel that way right now.   there's a lot going on physically and it's taking a toll mentally.  i want to give up.  but i can't.  i won't.  this crap will. not. win.  i'm more stubborn, darn it.  not to mention that i've got a not-so-secret weapon...GOD.  booya!

we went to church this morning, as per our usual.  and as per my usual, i'm glad we did.  it was obvious that i needed a recharge!  i don't remember much of the sermon because my Little Dude gave me more than enough of the message i needed.  he BELTED out the songs this morning!  i mean LOUDLY.  JOYFULLY.  with ENTHUSIASM.  i absolutely LOVE hearing him sing and praising the Lord!  i cried.  it's what i do, you know.  ah.  my baby boy is such a gift.  most of the time it's a gift from Above!  ;o)

this isn't forever.  there will be valleys and there will be hills.  and God knows 'em all really well.

a friend shared this with me the other day:
The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:14
yeah, i need to be still for a while.

 


gotta give a shout out...
Little Dude, my Love and other family and friends did a breast cancer 5K on saturday morning.  the team "This One's For the Girls" as a whole raised $1000!  Little Dude raised $760 alone!!  i'm so proud of them and all my family and friends who have raised funds and completed walks throughout this month!  a huge THANK YOU to each and every one of you.