one year ago.

if i think about it, i can probably count all of my really, truly BAD days on one hand.  okay, maybe a couple of fingers on the other hand, too.  July 16, 2012 was a really, truly BAD day.  we waited two hours in the surgeon's office lobby and another 30 minutes once we got called back to a room.  torture.  it was about 5:35ish before we even saw the doctor.  i was wearing a cute little khaki colored top and a purple skirt with my vintage Dr Scholl's wooden slides.  oh yes.  i even remember that.  and i KNEW.  i knew what he was going to say.  just KNEW.  my Love had convinced himself that it was nothing and all would be just fine.  and the surgeon came in and said "well, we didn't see what we wanted to.  we found cancer."  or something like that, i think.  i guess i've blocked that part out!  and our whole world came to a screeching, crashing, immediate halt.

we went home and told Little Dude.  and then rest of the family.

we had no idea what we were in for.  we had no idea about...anything, really.  there were weeks with doctor appointments every single day.  there was at least 1 day with 3 doctor appointments!  there were stacks and stacks of pamphlets, booklets, and fliers.  which i still need to get a hold of and rewrite!  haha!  oh how much we learned in those first 2 weeks!  talk about crash course...we surely had one!

it's been a year since that day.  i've got a lot less hair and a couple more man-made parts than i did then.  HAHA!  treatment and such is a familiar thing now.  and almost over!  the doctor appointments aren't as frequent nor as nerve wracking and worrying.  we know the lingo.  it's...easy.  while sitting around the Sunday lunch table a couple of weeks ago, my mother in law tells me i made this whole thing look easy.  it SO wasn't.  i told her it wasn't me, it was God!    

nope, we had no idea what we were in for.  we were in for raw, generous, wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, make-your-heart-ache-with-it LOVE.  we were in for blessings like we had never dreamed of.  we were in for God. showing. up.

i had cancer.  it did not, could not, would not have me.  but because of cancer, i was certainly profoundly, irrevocably, intensely CHANGED.