so now what?

this tuesday will mark 3 weeks since my last chemo.  sooooo now what?  i'm done with chemo so i should be back to "normal", right?  not so much.

apparently my hair hasn't gotten the "chemo is over" memo.  at this point, my lashes and brows are pretty much nonexistent.  since the last treatment, they just keep getting worse!  if that's even possible!  the hair on my head is...uh...not really even worthy of being called hair.  in fact, the only hair still going strong is arm hair.  ARM HAIR?  REALLY?!?  that ain't right, people!  <sigh>
i've read that the herceptin treatment seems to slow down hair growth.  wonderful.

i'm still building up my strength, too.  yesterday my mom and i went on a whirlwind shopping trip.  well, it was mostly looking!  it was hours of constant walking, looking, trying on and the like.  and by the time we got done i was wrecked!  crazy tired.  i finally! sat down and was stiff and sore when i tried to stand back up.  my feet and hands were killin' me.  still have neuropathy issues.  before all this mess, a trip like that wouldn't been much of a big deal.  i'd have been tired but nothing like yesterday evening!

i've been "fighting", "being strong", "doing a great job" and whatever barely making it is more what i felt! else for 4 months.  i had a purpose.  a mission.  so what now?  i'm kinda...lost.  things are not back to "normal".  i don't look normal.  i don't feel normal.  then again, i'm not really done done yet.  there's still another big surgery i'm waiting around for.  gotta let my numbers get back up, get some strength back and whatnot.  but that's just it...i'm waiting.  there's nothing i can DO.  nothing to make me feel like i'm "gettin' there".  it's a bit frustrating, to be honest.  but hopefully after surgery and recovery i'll feel more "normal".  like life can move on.  like i'm really and truly DONE.